ON

BEING ALONE

I am alone….

And chose to be alone…

I don’t have to be alone but travelling two hours just to be with my relatives is not my thing… I hated long travels.

I used to be surrounded with friends actually I am still is to date but to be with your family is different…. Way different, But I have to deal with it…

Its 10 days before Christmas and 6 days to be my Birthday and will be turning 27 but I never felt excited as I usually feel my younger years… I just felt no reason for me to be excited and no reason for me to celebrate…

One year will be added to my age… a yearly achievement for everyone… another Laurel of experience added… a time to reminisce the Good, bad, funny and the lessons learned through the year… A lot had happened… achievements and mistakes have been made but never regretted instead it’s an experienced always remembered for me not to have same mistakes… For me it’s the true essence of having Birthdays… a time for you to self check and knows where you stand up… and know what you have become the past year…

Being alone helped me a lot… I got to know my responsibilities and know what I have done wrong… It’s true that LIFE is a fruitful journey… and living alone doubles the achievement… you got yourself fulfilled…

Living alone let me realized how I love my parents… I know I never expressed how I love my parents, I even don’t remember when was the last time that I have said “I Love You”… They always knew that I loved them I just don’t show it…

If given a chance… I wanted to be with my family again… its fulfilling that I got to know my worth when I am alone… but its nothing compared of having your family with you… Life is a precious journey but it would be more special when you get to share it with your love ones…

Living alone….. I am living alone… I am free… But am I happy??

I just got addicted with facebook…. No wonder a lot friendsters shifted from this site…. FARMVILLE, MAFIA….. Whooo ADDICTIVE….

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I came to watch Harry Potter The half Blood Prince last night….. i\and i am slightly disappointed… i have much expectations for the film… thought it would surpass the previous ones…. Maybe i just have to finish reading the book of the said movie instead…

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Oh yeah i just got transfered here Al Ain…. After my two years stay in Dubai and 3 months in Abu Dhabi, i was exiled on the rural area of Abu Dhabi…. I am working abroad but I am staying in a place which can be compared to slums in Manila… Good thing is its cheaper compared in Dubai… I can save now…..

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No overtym pay for me…. they have decided to cut overtym pays in my company… I’ll settle for this rather than being shortlisted again….

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VACATION…. I have had my vacation August of Last year…. just wondering when would be the next??????

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No TFC for me… No connections of TFC on our flat kinda miss those TV shows… WOWOWEE… TAYONG DALAWA, ASAP…. THE BUZZZZZZZ…. sleepy days for me… thanks for all those downloaded movies i have… it kept me awake up to 10:00 PM…..

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Ciao till the next blog I have…..

Geared with demonic grins…                               

                                         with horns and tails unnoticed…

                                         Hair colored with fiery ones…

Fiery blisters emanates from hell…

Demons often do change…

Angel faceted…

Perfectly personified…

Covering what’s inside…

Sprite was not just in hell…

Fiend scattered everywhere…

For Earth and Hell often compared…

Coz Demon like S.T. dominates…

Nice smiles with prickly tongues…

With beautiful and fury eyes…

Fairy bodies they all have…

Used as bait for their prey…

Dark is always referred as black…

So as Demons who rose from that…

S.T. is no difference…

For her presence spread out hell…

My succeeding post is all Videos of the contestants during the competition proper…. Hope you will like it…. (As if I have a follower on my blog) LOL

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It’s almost two months that I considered myself  “UNPRODUCTIVE”… quite strong word but thats what i feel of myself…

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During these long period of time all I did was watching movies , which I downloaded myself on the net… In fact I used to watch Movies which are yet to be shown on cinemas (Hollywood movies are always have a delayed  screening here at the GULF since they still have to work for the subtitles)… Is it stealing?… Is it illegal?… Who cares!…

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I used to stay with my relatives since i moved here in the UAE, and now that I dont have work, I knew i am already becoming a burden for them…. I felt i’m a leech that keeps bugging them… Yeah… I am a bugger….

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Good thing is I already found a JOB… but the problem is… They kept me waiting up to this very moment…

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CRUSHED and DEVASTATED thats what i put on my FACEBOOK’s… and I dont know why… then i realized… who will not be?… I’m un-employed… totally dependent… and unproductive… woul that be enough for a reason?…

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That would be enough…. JUST SHARING MY THOUGHTS

Heart Month

Its February again, Lovers month… is it? 

(ROBSHAUN CAGURANGAN)

I am 26 years old and this is the 27th February in my Life… so what?… Then I realized I am 26 and I have never been involved with anyone romantically. Everybody on my age already found someone to share their life with… In fact most of them already have children’s… and I have nothing… So tell me is it really a lovers month?

 Everyone around me keeps on asking who I am going out with… then I just smile. Maybe just to confuse them… good things is, they never ask for second one… whoa “(…deep sigh…) Thanks God” for I don’t have anything to share with them.

I’ve never been with anyone before… and I don’t know how it is really being in a relationship… I love to say I knew everything based on what I have read but no experience to backed me up. As much as I wanted to be with someone… there was never an opportunity… I don’t have any standards… I just can’t find anyone that fits me…. or maybe they don’t find me fit with them.

 I never looked or searched for that someone… I don’t want to rush myself just for me to experience the feeling… I have seen enough… one of my friends even got impregnated for something she thought LOVE… I’ve seen people commit suicide just because of LOVE… Is Love worth dying for?… Crazy if I may think… But who am I to judge? I have never been into such situation before… to be in loved.

 To be crazy… or to be in love?… For someone who loves… you has to have them both… you are not to choose for just one… It has to be together. Being in loved, you will be doing things which may be considered as craziness to others, and you will be giving reasons why you keep on doing these. But is it worth it?

 I never understand the language of the heart but when that time comes I will let my mind rule over my heart. Maybe it would be arrogant for me to say this, this early but I already set my mind not to be involved to situations that I might regret…

 I am 26 years old… Never been into relationships… Never have Valentines… SO WHAT?…

 I feel love…

 I am Loved…

 I give love and be loved the whole twelve months not just on the Lover’s month.

GOODBYES

(ROBSHAUN CAGURANGAN)

THE TRUTH…

Its January 31^st… Last day of the month… last day of work… termination takes effect…

It’s hard … I thought I already set my mind come January 31^st, but I was wrong: profound feeling is still there… can’t work as it should be… my mind is empty.

I have established myself here… Friends, work habits, the environment… really hard to leave them all behind. I can always make a start with work’s atmosphere… but friends, true friends… hope I can manage to find one.

THE WORKFORCE…

My site team consists of only six competent individuals, two Filipinos, two Indians and two Palestinians, we belong to different race, with different cultures and with different beliefs, Muslims, Christians and the Hindus… but we have created harmonious working relations. 

THE PEOPLE… Getting to know them…

I have established an instant bond with Romeo (Filipino fellow) the moment I joined the company.  I’m glad when I learned that I will be having a Filipino officemate, I thought I would be the only one. Romeo is very accommodating; he guided me with everything, he showered me with lots of advice, I owe him all that and it’s great having him as colleague.  Romeo is 5 years older than me, though I never called him “Kuya” (Filipino endearment for big brother) but the respect and my trust is there.

With Romeo

Population wise, Indians secondly dominates by having approximately 1.1 billion and I have met two great individuals from that great number of people…

My impressions with the Indians before were not that good; we always have indifferences but I also made friends with them…  Arun is the funny and lanky guy… Loyalty is his virtue. He always cracks joke… I don’t know if he understand the word but he always used “putang ina” and “tarantado” as expression. And then there was Ali, the intelligent fellow. Start a conversation on world affairs and Ali will sit with you… He always has inputs on everything.

Arun and Ali

My boss, Mr. Hussein is a Palestinian… I am blessed having him as my superior. I am always confident with my works, but Mr. Hussein find ways to correct me… I was never wrong but he always has a point…  He is just being particular with the words he wanted to use. Bashar is also a Palestinian, nothing remarkable… I can describe him physically but I don’t know much of him… we shared small talks and that’s it…

Negatives are always attached with Arabic’s behavior but I am having second thoughts based on what these guys showed me.

Stolen Shot with Hussein, Bashar and me (they never wanted to be photograph)

THE HARD PART…. Farewell…

Having farewell is never easy, especially when you have shared special bond with the one you left behind. But friendship will always be there… we are just one call away… Friendship is something that will last… it is not like prints on the sands that can be easily washed by the tides.

THE LEGACY….

We maybe not seeing each other again… but I do hope they can always remember how great the times we have shared for almost two years… as for me… it is an experience that I knew I can share to anyone…

Assassinations…

are with us

Since my stay abroad, I have experienced numerous instances on how an Asian being treated by other nationalities. As an Asian, we are being regarded by whites belonging to low level in terms of race, the brown race. Yes, we call it as racism… and I only encountered this word on my history subjects.

Racism emerged out of the rise in the slave trade in the eighteenth century. Black people could be bought and sold like property and treated – or maltreated – as their owners wished, because they were regarded as something less than human.

Though I am still working in an Asian country, there is no difference how we Filipinos are being treated by the Arab’s. In America, the word Arab’s is something they keep away from due to bombings to which the word Arabic is associated for. But in the land of the Arabic’s they are superior, the one who rule, the boss. I am not being subjective with the Arab’s maybe I was just doomed to be with the wrong people. My friends also talks how good their bosses are in fact I do also share one, my Project Manager. But the one who runs the company, the General Manager; he is the one I am referring to.  We worked on the same office, share a room but he acts like I never exist.

At work I was never referred based on my abilities and on what I do but on where my origin is. I always knew I have done my part for the company’s benefit but I don’t have the credits. I am not asking for one but to give a nod just to notice what I have done will do no harm.   

I never imagined that I will be experiencing discrimination face to face. I thought it was just a situation in movies just to spice up their stories… I was wrong. What I have been through is not that harsh compared on how the Black people are being treated, but I felt the intolerance, ridicule and the feeling of being laugh at.

For those who have experience and targeted by discrimination… be it Asian or Blacks…                        Racial Assassinations are with us…

DUBAI

and the un-employed:

Yes I am shortlisted thus, makes me un-employed… blame it to the global recession that most companies

are going through right now…. I am in Dubai and Dubai is known to be one of the richest but also considered as one of the cities experiencing great impact economically. Dubai is known as a rich city… constructions were everywhere, from sky rocketed building, extravagant malls and manmade islands. Dubai is also a haven to numerous nationalities and Filipinos were one of them. Their population is very much evident for every establishment has Filipinos as an employee. Filipinos are also known for every employers as clean, flexible, respectful and hard workers. And that’s the very reason why they prefer Filipinos than others. I’m proud to say that I am one of them (LOL). Working in a foreign land is not that easy, the adjustments is tough, Indians are hard to deal with for they are showered with only a little understanding, Arabic’s on the other hand are too intimidating, they always let you feel that you are a mediocre, truth is, their brains are half filled, slightly used. There may be exceptions but only chosen few.

I’ve been working with my company for almost two years now… I can say that I’m happy and I am already used with my foreign officemates…well I should be, I’m with them my entire stay and choice is never presented on me so I have to deal with them… It’s really hard to adjust at first especially with the Arabic’s but when I learned to dance with their tune, my work runs smoothly. Time passes and my belief with the Arabic change… My boss is a Palestinian, an Arabic, but he seems to be different aside from the fact that he really have brains he is also a JUST superior, he never treated me the way I’ve heard from my peers. He knows how to give you credit when you did something appreciative and never shouts whenever I have mistakes, instead, he would correct me in a fine manner. Respect is something to be achieved and my boss has my respect. With regards to my work? …chicken feed! It was easy and I can brag on that…  

Everything is in place and I never seen any signs that our company will be affected with what the world is experiencing. That’s what I thought… Dubai is rich, that’s what the world believes… but it has been four months now since I heard numerous employees being cut from their work,  and that’s the time my worries starts. Christmas and New Year passes but news on someone you know being terminated keeps on coming…. Month of December, one of our project stops for the client fail to pay and we are left with only one project. We transferred and thought we can recover but January comes and same thing happens. It’s New Year but there’s no reason for me to celebrate…

My company has no other choice but to follow and be “in” with the trend… TERMINATION…. The sad thing is I am the first in line… the first casualty…. I knew it will going to happen but I never see it coming and it is too soon for me. When my boss delivered the news I am stunned and got numb a while but I still manage to throw smile. I knew it would be hard for I will start from scratch again. But my foundations are already there… Experience, Confidence and so on…

Being un-employed really bothers me; questions keep on pouring on my mind…. What would I do next?… Why me?… Where  can I get my daily finances? What if I can’t make it? Where will I gonna go? How will I start again? WHAT, WHY, WHERE and HOW… tiring… and my mind can’t grasp of any answers…That’s the time I start praying… again…. Again for I used to be a good servant… in fact I am close to being awarded of Religious Award way back High school but that was before… since then I rarely go to masses… but I still do pray…

Un-employment is normal for us Filipinos and millions of Filipinos were actually unemployed not because Filipino’s are lazy but because our country cannot cater the needs of the un-employed… JOBS. But being un-employed abroad is different. Lots of responsibilities will shake you and keep you reminded of every scenario if you will be un-employed for long.

From where I can go from here?… fingers cross… bow a little… do some prayers and hope for the best…